Second Semester Neglect: An Update

As you can probably see, I’ve been away from the blog for a while and as you could probably read from the title, this is my apology and update for y’all!

First let me start off by saying that second semester kicked my butt. Come to think of it, second semester kicked everybody’s butt. I was so busy with engineering projects and homework that I barely had enough energy at the end of each day to crawl into bed. True story. Towards February, I was diagnosed with severe depression and nothing in my life seemed to make me happy. I started talking to a therapist, Rachel, and bless her heart, she listened to me talk for an hour each and every time I came to see her. She helped me figure things out, but talking to her wasn’t enough to make a change in my life. I didn’t want to tell anybody about it, not even my closest friends. But as I discovered, it’s easier to talk about it and let people in. All my friends were so supportive and a lot of them had dealt or were dealing with something similar. It’s amazing the amount of love I felt from everyone. A few weeks ago, I summed up the courage to tell my mom about it, and she took it hard. To this day she tells me that she wishes I had come to her sooner. In all honesty, I was afraid to, because I didn’t want her (and my father) to think I couldn’t handle myself at school. But they have proven to be supportive and loving like everyone else and for that I am thankful. My biggest supporter in all of this has been my boyfriend, and y’all let me just tell you it is no easy thing to be there and get most of the backlash from someone severely depressed. He must love me a whole awful lot because he was there for me every step of the way. ❤

In all of that, I discovered that my unhappiness stemmed from engineering and why would I want to stick with something that doesn’t make me happy? I decided to change majors and now I am a double major in Management with two concentrations and Finance. I am so looking forward to next year!

I am now home in California with my family for the summer, and am on the hunt for an apartment for next year. I have found one that I am in love with that is close to campus and friends. It’s a four bedroom, four bathroom, so I get to live with three roommates! It’s brand new and fully furnished and I cannot express how excited I am to live there (well, hopefully).

Until next time,

K.

8 Things Good Men Don’t Do

I hope everyone gets to find a good man

James Michael Sama

There is a lot of discussion floating around the internet about what makes a good man, or a “real man” in some cases. I’ve decided not to use the term “real man” here, though I was tempted by pop-culture to do so.

Each of us has our own unique background with our own unique upbringing, and has developed a view of the world accordingly, so each of us will see “goodness” differently. But, I think it’s fair to assume that we can all come together and agree that these eight habits or characteristics will never be found in a truly good man.

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Good men are never abusive.

There are many different types of abuse, certainly not just physical, and certainly not just in a relationship. Someone can be emotionally abusive towards a child or pet as well as their significant other.

Regardless, they all have one thing in common: The…

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8 Things Happy Couples Don’t Do

James Michael Sama

Sometimes, building a solid healthy relationship isn’t just about what partners do, but what they don’t do.

Here are 8 things that you won’t find in the habits of happy couples.

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Discourage each other.

Two people who love and care for each other would never attempt to discourage their partner or hold them back in life. They encourage and support each other when it comes to chasing after goals and dreams.

Holding someone else back while in a relationship will only lead to resentment in the long run – ironically, loosening your grip often keeps someone closer.

Play mind games.

Even something as simple as “how long do I wait before I call?” goes out the window when you’re with the right person who is mature and understands you. Call when you want to call, text when you want to text. There will be no games or manipulation when building…

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Nothing a good run can’t fix

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One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to run more. Since I’ve been back at school, I’ve tried to run 5 times a week. My class, work, homework and team schedule keep me crazy busy so sometimes it’s hard to fit in a run, especially when you’re just finishing your Physics homework at 11pm. Our campus gym doesn’t close until mid-night, which is nice, but by the time I get dressed, walk over, put my stuff in a locker and stretch, I’ve already lost about 15 minutes. I prefer to run on the indoor tracks that our gym has for many reason. 1. Our sidewalks around campus aren’t exactly in the best shape and there’s more than a 27% chance that you’ll fall into one of the pot holes that we call sidewalks. C’mon Purdue, get with it. 2. Snow has been covering the ground since November and I’m pretty sure that isn’t adequate terrain to run in/on. 3. When the snow melts, it likes to do this thing where it re-freezes and covers the sidewalks in ice. Even walking on those things is a death sentence. 4. It get pretty cold outside at night and I’m not trying to freeze my body part off. 5. I’ve had shin splints before and I definitely don’t want to get them again. So I’m going to run on my smooth track inside an air-conditioned building and just have to deal with my sadness about not being able to go outside (like running in air-conditioning is a problem. Ha!) and lastly 6. It’s dark outside. Like, why would I think it’s a good idea to go for a run when it’s pitch black and late? Momma didn’t raise no fool.

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I run at night mostly because that’s what works for my schedule. I figured out a schedule that would be most optimal for running. It’s called the 3-1-2-1 method. You workout (in my case run) for three days, take a day of, workout (run) for two more days, and then take a day off. For me personally, I run Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, take Thursday off since it’s my busiest/longest/most stressful school day, run Friday and Saturday and take Sunday off because Sunday is a day for rest. Rest and Jesus.

There’s nothing a good run can’t fix. It gives you time to free your mind, clear your thoughts and just escape. Or it could be a time to think, relax or release. For me, it’s all of the above. I ran 3 miles tonight and while my face is still beet red, I’ve never felt more confident. I pushed my body, both physically and mentally, to exhaustion. While it is draining, I’ve never felt better. I’m celebrating my run with a 70 calorie Mango protein smoothie. And let me tell you, it is the best thing ever.

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Have a great, productive week!

Xoxo,

K.

P.S. Below is some great advice to follow.

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Where do I Even Begin

Have you ever walked into a room and felt at home? Have you ever walked into a room and felt you didn’t belong? Have you ever walked into a room and felt both? At the same time? Because I have. Today, when we were inducting our new pledge class, I walked into a chapter room full of sorority sisters. I scanned their faces for someone I knew a bit better than a stranger. Eyes looked up at me from the floor where they were sitting. I found a sister in the far corner and went to join her. I sat down and that was pretty much it. I sat silent, looking around the room at my sisters, laughing, talking with each other. How I wanted someone, anyone to start talking to me. I sat there amongst a sea of what was a family here to me at school and I felt so alone. I felt so out of the loop, so unimportant. I don’t live near any of the girls in my pledge class. I’m not one for partying, going out or drinking. So I get skipped over, forgotten almost. When I’m around my sisters in an environment where there is a fun environment, I can put myself out there more and be happy and laugh along with the rest of them, like last night. I was the champion of the three legged race and made my sisters laugh because of the jokes and dumb things I said.

I woke up this morning and looked at my phone, at the text message I had missed and the name of who was calling me at such an early hour (8:40 am, way too early for me). I hit ignore and wanted so badly to go back to sleep, but sadly I couldn’t. I had to be at the sorority house by 9 and my ride was going to be at my dorm in 5 minutes. Once at the house, I sat in the kitchen and saw my sisters sitting around talking, waiting for the induction to get underway. I tried talking to my sisters, but felt little connection, so I sat by myself, texting C and praying he would answer (I knew he wouldn’t because of the three hour time difference between us).

My sisters mean the world to me and I would do anything for them. At the same time though, I feel like I’m so disconnected from them, from everyone. I don’t know if it’s just the rain, the cold weather, or the distance between me and those I love, but I can’t help but feel like an outsider. Sisters have asked what’s going on and I give them all the same answer: I’m just tired. And they leave it at that. Some sisters I have told about my not really eating or sleeping, and they’ve checked in with me to make sure I’m actually okay. Again, I just say that I’m tired.

It’s like I’ve lost my passion. I decided not to go to my sorority Crush Dance on the 15th for many reasons: 1. I hate dancing 2. My date is in California (C. this is you!), 3. I asked my friend Jake to go with me as a friend, but I knew it wouldn’t be fair to him to be there with me, when I really didn’t want to be there in the first place. I didn’t get excited about bid night, about bringing in a new pledge class to our house, about induction. I didn’t sign up to do crafts with the new girls, I didn’t sign up to be a mentor to the new girls, I didn’t even want to stay at the house after induction. Yet here I sit, in the sorority kitchen, listening country music, writing a blog post, only because I felt that being here was an obligation. I view most things as obligations lately, which is horrible. The only thing that sounds fun to me is being alone in my room where I can watch Netflix and Skype C. I’ve gotten used to being alone, so it doesn’t really bother me anymore. In fact, I think I prefer it.

Have a great Saturday!

Xoxo,

K.

There’s One In Every Family

Every family has that one person that always nags them, that always tells you how poorly you’re doing yet they sing the praises of everyone else. They are egocentric, long-winded and don’t like taking no for an answer. They like to tell you how to live your life because they think you’re doing it wrong. I’m sure by now, someone’s name has popped in your head and you’re remembering how much you hate being seated next to grandma so-and-so at family Christmas.

Most families are lucky to have just one of these. I say “lucky”, because in my family, there’s three. Triple the average! They are set in their ways and very, VERY stubborn. I couldn’t even rank them on a scale from for you because, well, it just goes from bad to worse! Not bad people, but oh boy, do they like to nag. The worst offender of the three though, has to be my father. He repeats himself at least three times a conversation, and always talks about the same things. My mom picks up the phone to call me now that I’m at school simply because she misses me (sweet, I know) and wants to talk and catch up. My dad calls to “check in” but what that really means is that he wants to see if I’ve scheduled a meeting with 30 different people and asks if the people in the financial aid office know me by my first name yet (the answer to both is no). If he doesn’t like something I say, he then gets mad at my mom for always taking my side (this happened tonight, which is the reason for this post). Oh, we’re sorry you can’t see how frustrating you are.

He’s not one for small talk because he just gets straight to the point and doesn’t even bother to ask about my day. If he ever called me to just chat, I think I’d fall over in disbelief. I mean, it’s simple to talk about the weather I think, my mom and I often converse about this. That might be because she wants to rub her Oh-It’s-62-And-I-Need-A-Coat weather in my Yeah-It’s-25-Below-Zero-And-I’m-Still-Walking-To-Class weather. She and I joke, kid around, something my dad doesn’t understand. He thinks when we joke that we’re being serious and accuses us of starting drama. Clearly, someone might have been was born without a sense of humor.

Well dad, if you don’t laugh at yourself, nobody else will want to laugh with you, near you, or anywhere in the vicinity of you. You can’t take life too seriously. In order to survive life, you need a good sense of humor and some humble knees that aren’t afraid to pray. I’m sure my father has “good intentions” but all he does is frustrate me and make me forward his calls to voicemail.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Xoxo,

K.