school

Second Semester Neglect: An Update

As you can probably see, I’ve been away from the blog for a while and as you could probably read from the title, this is my apology and update for y’all!

First let me start off by saying that second semester kicked my butt. Come to think of it, second semester kicked everybody’s butt. I was so busy with engineering projects and homework that I barely had enough energy at the end of each day to crawl into bed. True story. Towards February, I was diagnosed with severe depression and nothing in my life seemed to make me happy. I started talking to a therapist, Rachel, and bless her heart, she listened to me talk for an hour each and every time I came to see her. She helped me figure things out, but talking to her wasn’t enough to make a change in my life. I didn’t want to tell anybody about it, not even my closest friends. But as I discovered, it’s easier to talk about it and let people in. All my friends were so supportive and a lot of them had dealt or were dealing with something similar. It’s amazing the amount of love I felt from everyone. A few weeks ago, I summed up the courage to tell my mom about it, and she took it hard. To this day she tells me that she wishes I had come to her sooner. In all honesty, I was afraid to, because I didn’t want her (and my father) to think I couldn’t handle myself at school. But they have proven to be supportive and loving like everyone else and for that I am thankful. My biggest supporter in all of this has been my boyfriend, and y’all let me just tell you it is no easy thing to be there and get most of the backlash from someone severely depressed. He must love me a whole awful lot because he was there for me every step of the way. ❤

In all of that, I discovered that my unhappiness stemmed from engineering and why would I want to stick with something that doesn’t make me happy? I decided to change majors and now I am a double major in Management with two concentrations and Finance. I am so looking forward to next year!

I am now home in California with my family for the summer, and am on the hunt for an apartment for next year. I have found one that I am in love with that is close to campus and friends. It’s a four bedroom, four bathroom, so I get to live with three roommates! It’s brand new and fully furnished and I cannot express how excited I am to live there (well, hopefully).

Until next time,

K.

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What defines me

Hey all!

I decided to title my blog “We Are What Defines Us” for a few reasons. It’s a weird title, I know, but hear me out. I was sitting at my desk in my dorm room, taking a break after battling with my Physics homework (the worst!) for the longest time, and sat there thinking about what made me different from anyone else. I’ve been a lot of things in my life: the smart girl, the tall girl, the tomboy, the socially awkward girl–wait I’m still that girl, the perfect girl, the girl who wore too much black eyeliner, the athletic girl, the golf girl– the list could keep going. There’s a common theme among all these “things” I’ve been: I was always defined by what I did, the grades I got, how much make-up I chose to wear, even my height (I’m 5’9″ by the way). What struck me the most, was that this is how the world saw me, or at least that’s what I was to the world. We can try all we want to fight labels, but we’ll just get labeled as crazy or anything of the like. No matter what, we will ALWAYS be subject to labels. Instead of going on about how tainted and distorted society is, I’ve come to terms with it. I know I’ll be labeled. I will be what the world defines me as. Stop. Before you start thinking that I’ve succumbed to defeat based off my last statement , let me assure you I have not. I am what defines me, and what defines me will always be subject to a label. So why not be the best version of me that there is? Who I am and what I decide to do with my life is the definition of me. The thing about it, is that I am so many things that I can’t just be thrown on to a pile of stereotypes with others who fit the same stereotype that I do. I am me, and I am darn proud of that.

So who is me, you ask? Well here, let me define myself for you:

I am Kate. I am Kaitie. I am also Kaitlin. My name depends on who I’m with. I’m well above the average height of a female. I’m a Freshman engineering major at Purdue who doesn’t get as nearly enough sleep as I should. I am doing paid undergraduate research with one of my favorite professors and it’s wonderful. I love that job more than anything. I’m an abnormally healthy eater who loves to run and watch Netflix (anything to not do homework)! I have a large, crazy family whom I love dearly and a boyfriend that I am promised too. Now, I know that sounds medieval, but I assure you that’s not the case. We exchanged promise rings before I left again for school. I love him dearly as well. For his sake, I won’t give his name, so we’ll call him C. Our story is too long to tell right now, but I’d be happy to tell it some other time; it’s a great one! I’m a California, struggling my way through a mid-western winter. Temperatures below zero were not in my vocabulary before I moved here. I’m a follower of God, who’s faith is being tested and religion is a little bit of everything. I’m a sister of Phi Sigma Rho who loves watching football.

That’s enough about me for now, as I’m sure you’ll learn a lot of things about me later on in my blog. I decided to write this blog as a way of release, therapy, comfort. Sometimes it’s easier to write than talk. Easier to read than write, easier to love than lose. When I can’t express myself the way I want verbally, I turn to writing. So welcome. Welcome to my life, my trials, my adventure.  You get to see it all. Nothing but raw, full fledged, unadulterated emotions. I hope that my writing not only helps me, but helps others as well. Helps others feel they can relate to me, help others to know that someone has been there and knows what they’re going through. I’ve been there. We’ve all been there.

Xoxo,

K.